NumberOne Bat
by Patricia de Lioncourt
Summary: What does Batman do to kill time on the internet? Why, check his myspace, of course!


A/N- Okay, so this little humor fic was inspired by a line that Superman had--and if you guys knew me you would be so, so shocked at that--in the Justice League episode "Comfort and Joy." He made the statement that Batman "practically begged for monitor duty." So the thought arose, Batman is all alone just looking at a monitor screen…is that really all he's doing? My fiancé made a joke, and thus this fic was born. I hope that everyone enjoys!

Disclaimer- I don't own Batman. That belongs to Warner Bros. and DC comics.

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**NumberOne Bat**

_Christmas Eve_

Batman tapped his fingers just off to the side of the Tower's main computer's keyboard. Before him were several monitors, all of which were occupied with some sort of image. In the upper, right hand corner, the monitor showed a picture of some country in the Middle East where absolutely nothing was happening. Across from it in the upper left hand corner was a monitor showing some region in China, where nothing was also happening. The various other monitors--showing different various locations--also showed no action on this Christmas Eve.

The Dark Knight brought eyes down to the monitor before him, which depicted his beloved Gotham City. Old women laden with last minute shopping bags roamed the snowy streets, wishing everyone a merry Christmas. Children were building snowmen on the sidewalks, only to have them mowed down by passersby.

A look of satisfaction came over Batman's face as he took the computer's mouse in hand and used it to shrink the monitoring program. Pulling it over, he double clicked on the icon for the internet explorer. Within seconds, the Yahoo homepage loaded up. With his speedy typing skills, it took the Knight only seconds to type in his email address, and his password to log in.

A blue and white screen loaded up with his picture in the upper left hand corner. A list of commands was to the right of the picture and his username--NumberOne Bat--was above it. Scrolling down, he briefly paused to take a look at his Top Eight Friends List. The screen names "Superman," "Amazon Princess," "Warrior Hawk," "Mean Green Fighting Machine," and "Fastest Man Alive" were at the very top. The two following it read "Commissioner Gordon," and "Boy Wonder."

Glancing to the right of the screen, Batman saw the announcements stating that he had new messages, new friends' requests, and new blog subscription posts. Quickly, he clicked on the blog subscription posts. It took him to a list of the blogs that he was subscribed to, and he saw that the new one was from Wonder Woman's account. Clicking on it, he read the post.

The screen popped up with a blue background, and the post itself being red with bold gold text. It was so bright that Batman had to highlight the post to read it. The picture at the top left hand corner of the post was of Wonder Woman about to pummel some unseen villain. The post, in contrast, was rather quite cheerful.

"I know that many of you back in the world of men are celebrating Christmas this weekend. I only post to wish all my friends a…very merry Christmas…and a happy New Year. Forgive me for only posting to say this. Good evening."

Batman shook his head and chose not to reply at the moment. His mouse curser hovered over between the new messages announcement and the new friends' requests announcement. Often time, those who wanted to be his friend would message him as well as ask for the add. Making a final decision, he clicked on the friends' request. Immediately, something between a smile and a grimace formed on the Dark Knight's face. The four requests that were before him read, "Mister J," "Harley Q." "Riddle Me This," and "Times Two." Each of the profiles sported a picture of the villain the names reflected. However, Batman was fully aware of the people on this site impersonating other people. So, opening each profile in a new window, he decided to find out whether they were the real villains. After all, should they be allowed to have profiles?

Each profile seemed to fit them well enough and seemed innocent enough as well. Joker's was done in purple and acid green, Harley's was done in red and black, Riddler's was in white with green question marks, and Two-Face's was done in white and black.

Closing all of the windows, he clicked on the new messages announcement. Each villain had sent him a message! Clicking slowly, he opened the Joker's first.

"Hiya, Bat-Boy! I was completely shocked to find that you…_you_ of all people had a myspace account! I mean, seriously, I'm in total shock here. So, I thought it might be funny to add you to my friend's list. Don't worry, Batso. I won't send you a virus or anything like that. Torturing you isn't as fun if I can't see your reaction…that, and I'm not into nerd-like methods of torture. I'll leave that to the Riddler. Well, see you online…or at my next crime. Whatever comes first! Ha!" the message read.

Disgusted, Batman deleted the message--now sure that it was the real Joker that had sent it to him--and moved on to Harley's. Harley's message, like the Jaded Jester, was just as bubbly and zany.

"Hiyee! Hi, Batman! Did my puddin' add you? I hope so, otherwise he might get angry that I added you. Anyway, just messagin' to get the hang of this site! Bye!" her message read.

Whether out of pity or something else entirely, Batman went back to his other screen and added Harley to his friend's list. This girl desperately needed a wider network of friends. Going back to the message screen, he deleted Harley's message and went to the Riddler's. Rolling his eyes as it loaded, the Dark Knight expected a riddle of sorts, as was this villain's M.O. Surprisingly, all his message read was, "Add me."

Deleting it, he moved on to the last. At the top of the message was a graphic of an endlessly flipping coin and below it was the statement "add us."

Batman deleted that final message and went back to the friends' request screen. Staring, he argued within himself to whether to add the other three villains. Deciding that he had once been Harvey Dent's friend, he added Two-Face. Thinking that maybe Riddler would find decent quizzes to post on his profile, he added him as well. Finally, it all came down to the Joker. To add or not to add? Finally, shaking his head, Batman clicked the deny button.

Suddenly, a loud siren made the Dark Knight jump--which he was something he didn't do often. Closing the myspace screen and bringing up the monitor screen, he saw--to his amazement--that a large wreck had taken place in Gotham. By the looks of it, it had happened hours ago and was now almost completely taken care of. Growling in annoyance at himself, he shook his head again and muttered, "Damned myspace."

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Disclaimer the Second: I don't own myspace. That belongs to Tom. I'm making no money off of it here. And I certainly don't own Yahoo. 

End Notes: Well, hopefully it was funny, and that everyone understood the ending. If you--like everyone is these days--are addicted to myspace for some reason or another, then maybe you did. And I'm not insulting those people, I'm addicted to it now because of my friends. And as for those heroes with the funny usernames, I never mentioned it, but I just figure that Flash started up their accounts, and they never bothered to change their names. Well, please review!


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